My story...
I always knew that my brother and I were created in a more unconventional way. My mother and father had us later in life, thus creating a challenge for my mom to have children. They turned to IVF, and then decided on using a donor, making us donor babies. We were related to my dad genetically but held no genetics in common with my mother. My family always joked that my twin brother Jarrett and I were “lab babies,” and the image that first used to come to mind to me was a baby in a petri dish. But as I got older my curiosity grew for what that really meant. I started to wonder about my family tree, my heritage, and my ancestors. While I had never felt a disconnect with not being related to my mother, I wanted to understand it better. Through the various findings and research I have compiled, I circled all my work around this one question: How much of our identity is made up by genetics?
The science behind
it all
In 1978, the first In-vitro fertilization baby was born. Louise Joy Brown was born in Manchester, New England, claiming the title of the first “Test Tube Baby.” Her mother had suffered infertility due to blocked fallopian tubes.
A year earlier in 1977, she underwent an experimental procedure, now known as In-vitro fertilization or IVF. It involved removing a mature egg from her ovaries and placing it in a laboratory dish combined with her husband’s sperm to create an embryo which was then implanted back into her uterus. On July 25 of 1978, a healthy five pounds, 12 ounces bundle of joy was born to Lesley and Peter Brown.
Little did they know that their participation in this procedure and their success would completely redefine the medical history and treatment of infertility and reproduction.
Brown’s story today is much more common than it was back in the ’70s. Whether it is health-related, or a personal preference, many women have begun to wait until later in their life to have children.
The issue with waiting until later is that the ovary’s ability to produce healthy eggs declines immensely with age. There also becomes an increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities and unsuccessful pregnancy beyond 42 years of age.
IVF, however, can resolve this and be used for couples with health problems, lesbian couples who want to have one parent share genetics with their child and single women who are ready to start a family on their own.
Laurie Pash is a psychologist who works for the Center for Reproductive Health at University of California San Francisco. She works as a family-building counselor for those who are undergoing fertility treatments, assisted reproduction and egg or sperm donors who are surrogates.
“Most people want to have a child that comes from them genetically. It’s just the way we grew up. And so when it’s really hard to do that … like for medical problems … it can be really challenging emotionally to accept,” Pash said.
Not only is the physical science behind medical procedures like IVF, surrogacy and egg donation a main part of this experience, but mental science adds an entire other layer to this process. There are decisions such as telling the child if they are not genetically related to their parents, which can create controversy.
“Sometimes [parents] feel that it was very painful that they couldn’t use their own genes and they want to hide it. … Sometimes parents are afraid it will hurt the relationship between them and their child, so they think it’s better to keep it a secret, which it really isn't,” Pash said.
The growing understanding of IVF’s emotional factors has paralleled the practice’s broader development. Since the 1980s, there have been over 50,000 egg donation births, with a success rate of 60 percent. Twelve percent of women experience difficulties becoming pregnant or carrying a baby. What once was considered a shameful and taboo procedure has helped create millions of families that might not have otherwise begun.
“It’s becoming more normalized … and not because of infertility. It’s because it’s a female couple or a single woman. … I think [IVF] is becoming less shameful, less hidden. It’s also impossible to hide with 23andme … [since] it’s easier to get information,” Pash said.
There is no right or wrong way to make a family nor it is genetics that solely make us who we are. IVF and fertility treatments have passed numerous milestones since their respective inception. They are more reliable, more normalized and safer with higher success rates.
The mental and physical components of science are both vital to the process and the emotions of the parents and child. But one thing is clear and that is that the bond between a parent and child is what establishes their relationship, not how much DNA they share.
Not all babies are delivered by storks
For the purpose of confidentiality, the woman sharing her story will remain anonymous. She will be referred to in the article as Jane Doe.
A partner to spend life with, the dream job, a beautiful white picket fenced house with a dog on the porch. And running around the backyard are the mini-mes: children. It is the picture-perfect American dream and while pursued through different forms and not always the perfect option for some, for many, it’s an ideal lifestyle — with parenting at its core. So why is there now such a decline in the ability to have children?
In the past 70 years, fertility rates have decreased an astonishing 50 percent. Take out women who are not choosing not to have children and it is still extremely high, especially for American women. One third of infertility cases are due to female fertility issues.
At 37 years old, Jane Doe naturally had her first daughter and realized she and her husband wanted to have a second child. But after her first pregnancy came a series of miscarriages. She could become pregnant easily, but the issue was keeping the baby.
Never having heard of donor eggs, Doe had not even considered the option. She first heard about the option through a client of hers. Then she found out her secretary had a similar situation to her and had found out through the national fertility group the option to use donor eggs. There was one option for men and women to travel to the Czech Republic and do donor egg In-vitro fertilization or IVF where it is cheaper than in America.
“You can go to a lot of places: … they call it medical tourism where people might go out of state because it’s cheaper in a foreign country than it is here,” Doe said.
IVF is a type of treatment for infertility. It is a minimally invasive way to get reproductive assistance to be able to carry a child. IVF involves artificially fertilizing ovaries with sperm.
Once in the small Czech Republic town of Zlin, Doe was matched with anonymous donor eggs. For the two-week period Doe and her husband spent there, they also reflected on past miscarriages.
“We were in a very weird spot because we loved our daughter, but we were so sad because of all the miscarriages. We needed to go away and go on a vacation and sort of grieve a little,” Doe said.
In the midst of the vacation, treatment and recovery from past miscarriages, Doe became pregnant again. But this time, she was able to carry her baby to term and had a son. Not being genetically related to a child could be presumed to create a disparity between the parent and child not sharing genetics.
“At first when I was in the throes of being a brand new mom, you’re so sleep-deprived. When you're really tired, the worst thoughts come or everything seems worse. And there was one moment when he was a baby where I was like, is he mine? And then that dissipated. And I really haven't looked back at all. He's definitely mine,” Doe said.
For many parents who use donor eggs, there is controversy surrounding whether it is better to tell the child or not, but for Doe, it was a no-brainer.
“You have to treat it like [an] adoption. You need to tell them their story from the get-go and do not hide it from them because then it becomes a shameful thing,” Doe said.
IVF and using egg donation to become pregnant have become much more popular in recent years. More than 1 million babies have been born with IVF in the U.S. and that is just as of 2014.
The growth of IVF illustrates that there are many ways to realize the white picket-fenced house and dream of parenting.
“I didn’t care about being pregnant, I just wanted to be a parent. I got to experience pregnancy … but that's not why we became parents,” Doe said. “[My son] is a bit of a golden child. Whatever was in the secret sauce has just been magical, because he's just been magic.”
My Conclusion
Despite efforts to find my own donor, I couldn’t. As aforementioned, I never felt a disconnect from my mother due to not being genetically related to her. But I always wondered how much of my own identity could be affected by the fact that for almost eighteen years I didn’t know half of my ancestry or what I would look like when I got older. I only knew my dads side, and it often made me curious to know the missing part of myself. However after completing this project, I have realized one main thing. No matter the amount of scientists I talk to or the amount of research I do, the main part of my identity is how I have been raised; with two loving parents who tried everything they could just to have kids. When you google how much our genetics influence our identity, scientists agree it's between 30%-60% however for me personally I think I have grown up creating my own identity based on the environment I’ve been raised in. I’ve adapted to my mothers mannerisms, I eat the same foods she does, I have the same sense of humor as my dad and the same inseparable bond with my twin brother. I doubt any of these would be changed had I been genetically related to my mom. So to conclude, it’s not just the genetics that make us who we are, it's the people who teach us how to be human, how to love life and it’s those around us who make us who we are.
